It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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