idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
