Where is the hickey?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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