you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize