Dual....:-)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
