I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
