I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
