you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
