you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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