My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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