she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
