I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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