'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
