Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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