If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
