Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
