I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The dick lei will go down in squad history
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
