apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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