Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
