so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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