just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dicks are not precious.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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