You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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