What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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