It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
