Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
