in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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