WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just tell him i said nine months
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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