If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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