god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize