I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
