my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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