I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
