Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
