she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
