It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
