she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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