The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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