She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
