and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
