you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
