he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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