I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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