you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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