That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
