He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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