So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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