oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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