i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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