Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
