I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
