Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
