We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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