I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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