woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
