RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
