I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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