Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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