Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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