I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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