Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
