That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
