i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
