Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
