just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
