on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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