now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
