I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
