I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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