guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
