dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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