i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
