using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
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