But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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