Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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