I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
